Could YOU ever trust a crackhead?


I have  friend.  And technically, we have only been friends for about a month and a half.  Hes addicted to crack.  I knew that when I first met him cause I was there when he bought it.  In fact, I was the one who had it (I was HONESTLY holding it for someone).  Anyway, I never paid this guy much attention.  He started coming around everyday.  At first, it was always to cop. Eventually, when he didnt have money to spend, he started coming over just to hang out.  My sister-in-law has known him for years.  They went to middle school and high school together and apparently, they were really good friends in h.s.   She was the one who let me in on his life.  She told me that he used to be chunky, he was cool as hell. The type of person you could always sit down and talk to; whether it was because you had a problem and needed advice, or just because you were bored.  He has 2 kids; both boys.  He isnt allowed to see his first born son (I'm not sure on the details) and I dont really know what the deal is with the second born.

What I do know, is that when he isnt high, he is cool as fuck.  He is definitely someone I would love to hang out with on a daily basis.  Even when he is high, hes just mad chill. Not like most ppl out here who get super paranoid...

Anyway, two days ago, he knew I had cash on me, and he asked me to borrow $15.  He told me that he owed his cousin but his cousin told him he could forget about the debt if he hooked up his edge up and faded him down. I guess they got into an argument over what time this would get done, and the cousin got mad and just asked for his money.  I was conflicted and didnt know what to do.  I gave in, and gave him the money, cause he never did anything to me that made me think he wouldnt be good for it.  Did I believe his story? Not at all.  15 min later, he came back askin me for another $10.  I looked him in his eyes and told him that I would give it to him if he promised me that when he got back to my house, we could have a serious talk. He did, and I did.

When he got back, he was high.  He looked at me and told me "Jess, I got one more hit.  We are gonna talk, but let me take this last one and I got you when I come down." What could I really say?  So I let him do what he wanted.  So he does what he does, and he hands me a cigarette pack.  It was hot.  I looked at him and he says, "Do me a favor?  I want you to take that and get rid of it for me.  Take it over by the sewer, take it out the box and crush it." And thats exactly what I did.  When I got back in the house, we just watched tv til he came down from his high.  When he finally did, he initiated the conversation that I wanted to have with him. 

At first, I told him to forget it, cause in all honesty, it wasnt my place to even speak to him about something the caliber that it was.  He asked me to do it though.  So I sat next to him and I asked him about his habit.  We talked about what other drugs he did (in the past) and how he could put the others down just as easily as he picked them up, but that this was the hardest one to kick.  We talked about how both times he started up, it was after a huge breakup with a female that meant a lot to him.  We talked about how it turned him into a person he didnt want to be.  And lastly, we talked about the obvious fact that he needs to stop.

Much to my surprise, he agreed with everything I said to him.  He told me that he knew what he had to do and that he was determined to do it.  He also told me, that after that night, he was going to try to stay sober.  I told him that I would always be around if he had an urge/craving or just needed someone to talk to.

I can honestly say, that I know for a fact that he didnt get high today.  He is one of those ppl that you can always tell if he is high.  He sweats a lot (even when its cold as fuck outside, like it has been lately), he tries harder to make ppl like him, etc.  I spent a lot of the day with him and I was pleasantly surprised as how easy he made it seem. And I say that cause having dealt with addictions of my own, I know that no matter how easy you make it look on the outside, its killing you on the inside.

Anyway, the night we had that talk, I didnt go to bed til 4:30 in the morning, and I let him sleep on the couch.  He had been up for the last two days, so it was no surprise to me that when I got home from work around 3:30, he was still knocked out.  Tonight, I'm letting him stay here again. 

He took my phone earlier and after I finished cleaning up after everyone (we had a party), I went next door to use one the neighbors phones to see where he was and to tell him he had to bring mine back.  While I was there, the neighbor girl asked me if I knew him well, and I told her the truth; I've known him for less than 2 months.  She told me not to "fall for his game" cause "...once niggas start lettin him stay in the house, stuff goes missing and hes a known snitch. They got that on paper..."

Now, the whole thing is, with him askin me for money, when we had that talk, I told him that I didnt believe the story he told me at all.  He told me that he was keeping it 100% with me, and that when he asked me for the $15, that story was the truth.  He also told me that when he came back and asked me for the $10, it was to get high. But, the $10 he used to get high, he got back to me before the end of the night.  As for the other $15, I told him not to worry about it and that he could give it to me when he got it; he didnt have to bust his ass tryin to get it by the end of the night.

So, seeing as how he hasnt lied to me, and seeing that he hasnt done me wrong in anyway since I've known him, should I automatically believe what everyone else is saying and just back away now, or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and stick around to see if he does play me?  Should I trust him? Would YOU trust him? Or would you judge him based on what others told you, before you even take the chance to get to know him?

I know I've been gone for a while.

In the time that I was on hiatus, I got a new tattoo.  My brother did it, even though hes not a professional. Idk why, but xanga is being ghey right now and wont let me upload the pic. But its on my rt foot.  Its 5 stars with two lines that twist and turn.  Real cute.

So anyway, I want another one.  Idk why, but for some reason, I want to get the word "love" on the top of one of my wrists.  But I dont want it in english.  At first I thought spanish, so it would be Amor.  But then I had the idea to do it in french, so it would be L'amour.  And then I would get it in some kind of cute cursive font, probably with a heart or two over it.

As much as i like the idea, I dont want ppl to be like "shes not even french." or whatever. But at the same time, who the hell cares, right?!

I think I'm gonna do it.

Comments and/or thoughts?